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In Case You're Interested in How I Got Out of Trouble

 

 

DWI Pace Car

 

If there is anything that I have learned through out the years that I have been driving it’s getting out of a DWI when drunk off your ass. More times than I can remember I have been able to talk my way out of a DWI.

There is the creative way, put an old fuzzy bathrobe and big fuzzy slippers in the trunk of your car and when you are ready to drive home drunk, put them on over your clothes maybe even mess your hair. This will give the illusion that you are a kind family member that has been woken up out of a sound sleep to pick up your brother who is drunk and needs a ride home from the bar.

Tell the cop that when you got there to pick him up, he wasn’t there, and now he isn’t answering his cell phone, so you’re on your way to another bar to look for him. Not only does it work, but this particular scam when the car is loaded with drunks works even better for the nights you run out of breath mints.

When the police officer asks you why the car wreaks of alcohol you can just blame the stench on your drunken friends. Be sure to yell at these said friends for being such immature jerks.

Cops love to see someone amongst the drunks use authority; it makes them feel like they are somehow responsible. Be sure to laugh your ass off as the same police officer stops traffic to let you make an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street. God, I love a good plan, and this one takes the cake. CAKES RULE.

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

Let the Tears Fall

Have you ever run a red light or make a right turn on red when the sign clearly states not to. Maybe you forget to use your blinker during a cautious lane change. What ever you did wrong is about to be confronted by the police officer, who is now pulling you over.

Sadness is your only way out of this tight situation, cry and cry hard. If you are one of the people who can’t cry on demand, keep a bottle of eye drops and squirt them on your face before the cop gets to your window. When he asks you why you did what you did, tell him that a flying bug came out of nowhere and smacked you in the eye, or that a crusty dry leaf just flew out of your air vent and rocketed directly into your eye unexpectedly. The officer will clearly believe your story, whom in the world could ever make up such a story.

If you are caught accelerating fast, screeching your tires around a corner, use the excuse that your shoe slipped off and got caught under the gas peddle. This works great in the summer when you are wearing flip flops; these tend to slip off more frequently than a regular shoe will, making your story more believable. Rules of thumb, if you are going to lie make it something fucking off the wall, but with believable possibilities, and if your drunk, make them believe you’re pissed off at your brother.