FYI
In Case You're Interested in How I Got Out of Trouble
| How to Get Free Christmas Pictures with Santa Clause Santa Clause is Coming to Town and it Doesn't Cost a Penny to Have Your Picture Taken with Him Publish Date: 10/12/2008 Santa Clause is coming to town and if your town has a mall, you could rest assured, Santa will be there with bells on and it doesn't cost a penny to have your picture taken with him. All you have to do is bring your camera and take the pictures yourself. I'm not sure how many people are aware of this fact, but when I pull out my camera on line to meet Santa Clause; most parents are surprised that personal photography is allowed. Some parents get annoyed when they realize you are about to take your own photographs. I'm not sure, but maybe they are jealous that they didn't think of it first, or maybe they are snobbish and feel as though you should pay for pictures too. Whatever the reason, don't let it distract you into rushing when its time for you to take your pictures. Before you get to the front of the line make sure your camera is ready. I suggest that you use the automatic (auto) setting on your camera. This way you don't have to fidget with any of the settings when it's your turn to meet Santa. When it is your turn, one of Santa's little helpers will unclip the velvet rope and get ready to present you to the King of Christmas, Santa Clause. When they do, just let them know that you will be taking your own photographs. Most of Santa's Elves will slow down the line just by a minute to let you set up your shot, but a minute goes a long way. I have even had Santa himself give me extra time to snap a few photographs. When your child gets settled do not try to make them sit a certain way, or make them look at the camera and smile right away. As they are chatting with Santa Clause snap as many pictures as you can. Do not worry about what everyone else is doing; just concentrate on your Childs precious moment with Santa Clause. You can snap off as many as 20 photographs in 60 seconds if you focus on the moment and stay calm during the process. Santa will queue your child to look at you and smile when the time comes. Sometimes things don't go as smoothly as planned. If your time with Santa turns out to be a disaster, don't panic, just politely ask for a little more time and you will most certainly get it. Santa and his helpers are all about good will toward mankind, they will usually go above and beyond if you ask for a little help. So if your trip to see Santa isn't what you expected go with the flow and be sure not to leave without the photograph you came for. You don't need an expensive camera to take award winning photographs; all you need is patients and desire. When you finally view the photographs that you took of your child and Santa Clause you will most likely find that the pictures you took yourself are far better than any you could have had taken for you, and you will have saved some money in the process. You don't have to only take your own photographs with Santa Clause, in the spring you can take your own photographs of your child with the Easter Bunny too. So, grab your camera and save some money. Getting your picture taken with Santa Clause is great but getting your picture taken with Santa Clause for free is even better. Happy Holidays. |
DWI Pace Car
If there is anything that I have learned through out the years that I have been driving it’s getting out of a DWI when drunk off your ass. More times than I can remember I have been able to talk my way out of a DWI. There is the creative way, put an old fuzzy bathrobe and big fuzzy slippers in the trunk of your car and when you are ready to drive home drunk, put them on over your clothes maybe even mess your hair. This will give the illusion that you are a kind family member that has been woken up out of a sound sleep to pick up your brother who is drunk and needs a ride home from the bar. Tell the cop that when you got there to pick him up, he wasn’t there, and now he isn’t answering his cell phone, so you’re on your way to another bar to look for him. Not only does it work, but this particular scam when the car is loaded with drunks works even better for the nights you run out of breath mints. When the police officer asks you why the car wreaks of alcohol you can just blame the stench on your drunken friends. Be sure to yell at these said friends for being such immature jerks. Cops love to see someone amongst the drunks use authority; it makes them feel like they are somehow responsible. Be sure to laugh your ass off as the same police officer stops traffic to let you make an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street. God, I love a good plan, and this one takes the cake. CAKES RULE.
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| How to Eliminate Gossip in the Workplace Gossip in the workplace can make or break a company. If employees are too busy chatting about their lives or what happened on their favorite television there will be little time left for work. How many times have you been in any business setting even retail shopping where you find the employees are too busy to give the customer their full attention? When this happens to me I want to just walk off the line. Some offices have cubical desk space where 5 foot walls snap around a desk keeping gossip and eyes from wandering passed computer screens and weekly reports. There are office henchmen trolling isles behind telemarketers chatting away on telephones to make sure gossip is cut to a minimum the work gets done. Working under such conditions isn't a pleasant work experience and the gossip always has a way of getting around the workplace anyhow. Most workspaces have telephones and intercoms and trolling henchman have no advantage over the gossip hounds when they have an opinion and want to be heard. Think about how much time is wasted telling the same gossip story to everyone in the office. Most office workers tell the same story more than 5 times a day. If it takes that one employee 10 minutes to tell a story then by the end of the day almost 1 hour has been wasted. Remember, the time calculations mentioned above are a low guess; I'm giving all employees the benefit of the doubt. The actual gossip time wasted is most likely much higher than assumed. If you have more than 1 employee who gossips, and you know there are more. These employees are gossiping for an hour a day as well. By the end of the week with only two of your employees gossiping, you loose 10 hours of productivity and still have to pay the employees for that time spent chatting about the new baby's poop or Yoda knows what! I have managed an office for over 20 years and the only way of eliminating gossip in the workplace is to promote it. Yes, promote workplace gossip to your employees. Gossip isn't something that could ever be eliminated completely and as someone once said, 'if you can't beat them join them' I figure joining will get your foot in the door. I'm always one to make changes when my foot gets in the door and if you follow this simple solution you will put an end to unproductive employees who gossip without having to replace them. In the beginning of the work day, before everyone settles in with their coffee or whatever they consume while their tossing out the gossip have an informal meeting. Gather around with everyone who gossips, and if they gossip they will not miss an opportunity to hear their own voice and get all the gossip out of the way. Encourage the employees to open up and get it all out before work begins. This informal meeting will only take about 15 to 20 minutes, therefore eliminating the countless hours of nonproductive gossip. Promoting gossip will by no means eliminate gossip in the workplace all together, but it will eliminate the same story being told over and over again wasting valuable company time not to mention management headaches. |
Let the Tears Fall Have you ever run a red light or make a right turn on red when the sign clearly states not to. Maybe you forget to use your blinker during a cautious lane change. What ever you did wrong is about to be confronted by the police officer, who is now pulling you over. Sadness is your only way out of this tight situation, cry and cry hard. If you are one of the people who can’t cry on demand, keep a bottle of eye drops and squirt them on your face before the cop gets to your window. When he asks you why you did what you did, tell him that a flying bug came out of nowhere and smacked you in the eye, or that a crusty dry leaf just flew out of your air vent and rocketed directly into your eye unexpectedly. The officer will clearly believe your story, whom in the world could ever make up such a story. If you are caught accelerating fast, screeching your tires around a corner, use the excuse that your shoe slipped off and got caught under the gas peddle. This works great in the summer when you are wearing flip flops; these tend to slip off more frequently than a regular shoe will, making your story more believable. Rules of thumb, if you are going to lie make it something fucking off the wall, but with believable possibilities, and if your drunk, make them believe you’re pissed off at your brother. |